Tuesday, September 25, 2012

6 Month Weigh In

6 months ago was just an ordinary day, but the day that I put my weight into sparkpeople.com and I set a goal of 30 pounds lost by Sept 25, which seemed FOREVER away!

March 25, 2012 - 280 pounds
Sept 25, 2012 - 255 pounds

25 pound loss!

I did not make my "goal" and am slightly disappointed (I don't like failing) but I am thrilled with the 25 pound loss.  No one can tell or at least has said anything, probably because it has been slow going.  I renewed my license in January and got my picture taken then.  Granted, it was a horrendous picture because they BMV ladies wanted to shank me for coming in 4 minutes till close, but when I compare it to the picture I took for my license this month, there is such a difference!

Ugh!  I cannot get it to turn the right way, sorry!  Don't injure your neck!

I know the areas of my life that I can improve on (planning meals and not eating junk as we approach the holiday season - I'm talking to you Halloween candy, why are you on display and in my cart so frickin' early???)

I've very excited to see where the next 6 months leads me!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Wednesday Confessions aka from Eh, to weird, to AWESOME!

1.  Since I wrote this post 2 weeks ago, I have been craving that stupid meal from Taco Bell/Pizza Hut (just the value meal, not anything extra).  I went and had it today.  It was good.  I'm really hoping that since I had the meal, I can forget that I drive past it 2 times a day!  I don't feel sick after that, just sleepy :)

2.  I'm pretty sure I have some mild/moderate form of trichotillomania.  There is a semi-distrubing picture if you click the link, just fyi.  I just run my fingers through my hair A LOT, mostly subconsciously, my fingers search out all the imperfect hairs that have kinks or are curly.  Not enough to be balding or anything.  Well, I actually do have a bald spot on my head, but that is from cradle cap when I was a baby.  At least that's what I was told :)

3.  Because of the bald spot from cradle cap, my dermatologist (when I was a teen) offered to give me the number of the guy who did his plugs.  So freaking creepy.

4.  I really didn't mean for the post to go this way, but I'll keep on riding this train....  I mostly wore my hair parted down the middle because I just didn't care.  But after I donated my hair to locks of love in 2009, my short hair style had a side part and I've just kept up with the side part, slightly more self-conscious of the bald spot.

5.  HOLY FREAKING  CRAP!!!  I forgot to mention the best part of my day!!!


If you're not familiar, this is what the 400IM looks like:

Except mine was not as fast, short course yards, and I was not racing anyone else!

PS Please enjoy that random language the commentators are speaking!

I was amazed that I had the stamina to make it 100 yards of butterfly!!!  I did get a huge mouthful of water on the last 25 of the 100 fly, but I kept pushing and finished the whole thing in less than 8 mins.  I always consider 2:00 mins/100yds to be my standard for just freestyle, so I was really happy with this.  I felt like a baller because I know the last time I raced a 400 IM in a meet was 1998!  And that was just to get the club record because no 12/13 year old had ever swam it.

The only downsides to the swim were 1) I forgot to bring something to drink. 2) The water was WAY hotter than it should be for lap swim and 3) I over extended a muscle in my side a bit, but it is fine.

All day I've felt on top of the world because of it!  yay!  Someday I will have to tape myself swim for you guys.  I promise, my strokes were not as strong or pretty as the ones in the youtube video above (that's what she said...)

Monday, September 17, 2012


Tiny.  It's one word that has only been used to describe me once.

At birth.  3lbs, 6.5oz.  Yeah that's tiny.

But in my adult life and even growing up, I was never called Tiny.  Ever.

I remember last year I was a temp at this small distribution company.  They did a lot of deliveries, but there were walk-ins too.

One day I was in the kitchen heating up my lunch and I heard a customer come in and ask the other employee "Where's the little lady?"

I knew in that second that he was not talking about me!  No one has EVER called me a little lady either.  Probably for the best.  I'm not super hyped up on gender roles and I might deck a man if he called me that.

I have been steadily losing weight for the past 6 months.  SparkPeople.com helped me make a goal of 30 pounds lost by September 25.  I weighed in 2 weeks ago and was only 4lbs away!

I stepped on the scale this weekend and saw a number 2 lbs heavier.  What's the deal scale???  Hmph.  It put me in a bad mood and I felt uncomfortable in all of my clothes all weekend even though they are pretty loose on me.

And then I got so spend some time on Sunday afternoon with SwimTot.  That girl always makes me smile.

She called me a nickname she has given me a couple of times over the past week or so.


Oh my dearest SwimTot.  That seems so silly to call someone with is fluctuating around 255lbs Tiny!

But you know what?  She meant it.  She has zero idea I'm losing weight.   Zero idea that I weighed in.

Yet she calls me "Tiny" and my whole perspective turns around.

Maybe if I buckle down in these last two weeks I can get close to my goal.

I saw some good downward jumps on the scale during the weeks that I was swimming in the mornings at the YMCA.

With that gain, I was liable to jump ship and head the other direction, but SwimTot saved me.  At least this week.

That kid doesn't know how much she means to me!

Has anyone ever unexpectedly changed your attitude for the better?

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Wednesday Confessions

1.  One of the greatest feelings in life is slicing a knife into a ripe melon.  It is a satisfying feeling. 

Baby Watermelon
Don't worry, I won't turn into Dexter or anything :)  But a good knife has to be one of my favorite kitchen tools.

2.  I wear an undershirt 99% of the time.  It is because I am insecure w/my stomach and want it to be double covered and have no possible chance of peeking out.  However, I have run into problems with them before.  Sometimes throughout the day (and when I am by myself), I will lift my top shirt up, and it stays up because of the tatas.  Then I adjust my tank top to make sure it is covering my stomach adequately. There have been times in the past where I have forgotten to pull shirt #1 back into place.  I can't recall ever being overly embarrassed, but perhaps I should have been.  Perhaps I should take an example picture later.

3.  Ugggh.  My boss is in a meeting in her office.  She has candy on her desk.  All I want is one FREAKING ROLO.  My life would be 100% better if I had one.  Silly Medical Director only comes up when there are emergencies (this is the 3rd time I've she's been in our office all year) and she stays soooo long. 

4.  In all my 27 years, I have not been a worrier.  There are only 4 nights (previously) that I can think of where I have not been able to sleep like I should.  Lately though, my anxiety level has been higher than ever before.  This job situation is not fun.  I have to remind myself while falling asleep not to let the anxiety rule my sleep/sleeping habits.  It is hard!  But then there's also money and stuff.

5.  I'm attempting to be more involved in the community.  Now that I have multiple sources of income (ie my childcare job at the church) then I can do a little more of the stuff I want to.  Sign Language class tonight!  I'm nevous/excited.  I want to get back into volunteering and just going to do stuff.  Oh and I want to join a church.  It may or may not end up being the one I do childcare at.  We will see!  I put off being social for a long time due to money and my size.  Lame excuses!

What are your Wednesday Confessions?

Friday, September 7, 2012

Friday Fun Facts

1.  I need to bring back Wednesday Confessions.  Those were fun. 

2. I jinxed myself after my last post. Drinking like a million calories this week. I may not have had pop (actually I had 2 sips of a Sprite), but I have been drinking my calories like nobodies business.  I am kind of resenting the fact that our new place is right across the street from Starbucks.  I usually don't go overboard, usually a grande Pike Place roast w/2 pumps caramel and room for non-fat milk w/2 raw sugars. I split that into 2 days worth of iced coffee (obvi getting the ice when I get to work).  Then that same day I swung by and got a caramel macchiato for $2 w/the treat receipt (for the next day at work).  Then yesterday the maintenence guys were at the apt, so I went to Starbucks and had 2 Passion Iced Teas (sweetened).  And took one for the road (this morning).  Today, I had a coffee from a gas station.  Well, half sugary goodness that is currently making my stomach hurt, half coffee.  Ugh.  Remember when love was all we really needed?

3.  TeenSwimSis is turning 14 this month.  She wants to come here for her bday.  And she wanted family pictures. Like a photoshoot. Well since my dad and brother can't be counted on for taking off work, we decided it would be just the sisters.    Like a freaking photoshoot w/my sisters, yes my sisters who are soooo pretty, and do their hair and makeup everyday.  I'm just sitting here all "I'm lucky if I brushed my hair today" (I didn't, but it actually looks cute in this braid). Sigh.

4.  I went on a walk/run with SwimSis and SwimTot yesterday.  SwimSis said she would get up in the mornings if she had someone to walk/run with.  I would be in for it, but here's the thing: 

I kind of hate running with her.

It's not like she's impossible or goes to slow (lol that would be me) or she goes to fast.  It's that I like calling the shots.  When to run, when to walk, etc.  It's a mindgame really.  But when I have my LITTLE SISTER telling me when to walk/run.  Forgetaboutit.  Our 2 training runs for our first 5K were fairly miserable. 

But to be honest, it might not be a bad idea.  I would have to shower afterwards, ensuring that I brushed my hair that morning.  As for the makeup...let's just take one thing at a time!

Any tips not to look like a dork at this photoshoot?  (I feel weird saying photo shoot.  This photographer gets great pics and is cheap!)

Would you run with your younger sister?

Have a good weekend lovelies!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

My Gateway "Drug"

I have always heard it said that marijuana was a “gateway drug” that could lead to more hardcore drugs.  I don’t really know anything about marijuana or other drugs – this girl has never even smoked a cig.  But the concept of one thing leading up to much bigger problems, I can relate to that.
For me that “drug” is pop (pop, soda, coke, etc).  I believe this to be different from a “trigger food” because pop does not make me crave certain foods or make me want to binge on a cornucopia of items.  The addition of pop into my diet would quickly add in other foods that I normally don't have and definitely aren't good for you!  At New Years, I wanted to give something up as my New Year’s Resolution.  Lord knows (and I do too) that swearing off something for a whole freaking year would NOT work.  I decided to give up pop for a month.  On New Year’s Eve, I’m pretty sure I drank 3 Coca-Colas in the last hour of the year!  I made it through that month and had my first pop of the year on or about February 4th.  It didn’t taste good at all.  I tried it a few more times in the days following as I went to Indianapolis to work at the Super Bowl (but not AT the game).  The day of the Super Bowl I worked 18 hours (that’s a story for another day!) and made sure to get a pop the next morning.  Gross again, I decided it just wasn’t worth it and went back to water.  Since then, I’ve found myself having 1-2 pops a month, mostly for caffeine. 
Before this year, loooved fast food.  Even when I lost 35lbs before my mom died, I still had fast food at least twice a week (my job as a nanny was super active).  When I cut out the pop earlier this year and wanted fast food I would think “Well, what would I drink if I didn’t get pop?”.  Lemonade or juice?  Nah.  Pay for a bottled water?  I am not that crazy! Well, is it even worth going?”.  Cutting pop out of the mix cut back my trips to fast food joints.  There was a point in time where I would go to the Taco Bell/Pizza Hut drive through and get a individual pizza, breadsticks (w/marinara and cheese sauce), a large pop AND a crunchwrap supreme and just be a little over “comfortably full”.  Wow, that is sad to type out.  Plus that’s like $8-$10!
  Last month, on the day we moved, we moved until very late at night and then I had to double check a grant application for work that was due the next day.  I grabbed a pop at a fast food place (but no fast food, yay!).  It was okay and it did the trick!  About 2 weeks later, I got a couple of value menu breakfast sandwiches at McDs…and a pop.  And it was a delicious pop.  Oh. No.  That weekend I made a delicious broccoli soup and had a nice big bowl for lunch.  Apparently that wasn’t very hearty because I found myself a couple hours later doing errands, very thirsty, and pretty sure I was starving.  I knew where a Burger King was and I pulled right in and got a value meal.  I went home, finished it off, and wasn’t even “full”.  Thankfully, I know trouble when I see it.  I spent the next 2 weeks avoiding fast food because there are a gazillion fast food joints on my way home and a pang of hunger combined with an air of greasy food might have a bad result!  I bargained and spent more at the grocery than I normally do to make homemade pizza or have turkey burgers.  I’m pretty sure it paid off because I saw another 2 lb loss this past week.  Which makes me 254.8 and officially lowest since I’ve been recording my weight (2009-present).
I feel like it is a thin line not to be crossed.  It all starts with one pop that tastes amazing and it snowballs into 2 meals worth of fast food and wondering where my next greasy meal will be coming from.

On Sunday, while doing childcare at church, a boy asked me “Can you run?”.  So innocent.  I said yes and then we proceeded to have a conversation about how “big people” (his wording) can run, just have to work harder at it.  This whole conversation happened while we were “singing and dancing” to a worship song video.  This has evolved into about ½ the kids and the 2 or 3 adults in the room going in an oval around the chairs while singing and clapping.  Kind of like a congo line, but not holding on to each other.  Just circles.  Or ovals.  Over and over, round and round.  This little boy was sitting in a chair and I was going around.  Kind of awkward. J  PS 19 kids (4-5 year olds room) for the first service, yikes!