Your Words Have Power

I'm not a super negative person who puts themselves down.  I don't call myself names, I usually don't think the worst of myself.  But that does not mean that I am out of harm's way.

I didn't notice that in my attempts to be modest, I was putting myself down.  When I was a nanny, I would say things like "Oh, I'm JUST their nanny".  Or "I'm not their mom, I'm ONLY their nanny".  Then a time or two I had a couple of women say to me "No sweetie, you aren't just or only their nanny, you ARE their nanny.  You are raising them in the hours that their parents can't.  That is a meaningful job and should not be overlooked in its importance".

That got me thinking about the rest of my life and I noticed this pattern in my everyday speech.  I wasn't being overtly negative, but I wasn't being positive either.  In the past month or two I've readopted this awareness.  I noticed I was saying JUST or ONLY when I was asked if I was a lawyer (I'm a paralegal).  Not being the at the top doesn't make my job less important.  It doesn't make me less important.

I knew I had that 3K swim coming up, which I was swimming with triathletes who were swimming 3K, then going on to bike 60K and run 15K.  Just because I was going to be done after the swim portion didn't make my race any less important.  It was something I had to be very intentional about because I did have to convey that I was stopping after the swim portion.  I chose to word it as "I'm doing the 3k swim only", so as to not make it a pre-qualifier (don't know if that is a real term or if I made that up).  I stuck to my guns and felt really good about that and was able to talk to several other athletes about the lack of long open water swims in the state (another post for another day!).

As far as a race report goes...I did it!  Factoring in sighting and wind/waves, it was more like 2 miles.  I had not swam in that choppy of water ever, so it made it interesting, to say the least!  My two wonderful friends (and one of their babies!) surprised me and came to see me compete.  I'm glad I got the notion to look at my phone when I went back to my car after checking in.  I normally don't look at it, but they had called me to tell me they were on their way!  

The Olympic distance was set off just after 8am.  And there was a ton of them!  200 people did the Olympic distance, which was 1 loop of the swim course (horseshoe shape - 1500 yards/meters).  They had allowed 20 minutes for them to go off before my group was supposed to go, but it was much longer that with the time trial start!  My friends arrived, I got them settled on the beach and everyone in my wave, the special distance that I mentioned above, was already in line.  I just hopped in the back of the line and was the last person off from my wave at almost 9am.  We were to do 2 loops.  After the first loop, we had to run along the beach from the swim finish back to the swim start and get back in there.  The sprint wave (400 yard swim) started after my wave.

It was windy, which made it feel cold on the beach, so I did not "warm up" due to the fact that I would have been cold very soon after!  And with that long of a swim, your warm up is built in!  I spent quite a while trying to get in a groove and not have the waves hit me in the face while trying to breath. The first buoy felt like it took forever to get to.  I was working against the waves at that point.  Swimming the 200 or so yards to the next buoy was relatively easy and then I turned the corner and was ready for loooong home stretch for the first loop.  But I was pretty confused as to what I was supposed to swim towards.  The kayakers weren't being very helpful.  "ORANGE BUOY - LEFT" was what one kayaker kept yelling.  Soooo...am I supposed to go to the left of the buoy or is it supposed to be on my left?  I was just cruising along and finally figured it out (buoy was supposed to  be on my left).  I caught up to one or two people from the Olympic wave as well as the end of the sprint wave.

I swam close to the buoy that was near the shore.  I stood up and went to walk beside it, except the cement block that was keeping it anchored down got in my way and I nearly tripped!  I have some nice scratches on my toes thanks to that.  My friends met me as I got out of the water and jogged with me back to the start of the second loop.  they're too precious.  I think I'll keep them around!  They asked if I had another lap in me and I said "Definitely!".  Probably a sign that I took it too easy on the first lap. 

I was back in the water and pretty much stroke for stroke with another swimmer for a while.  Then my cap popped over my left ear.  I could also feel it creeping up the back of my head too.  I told myself not to worry or stop and fix it.  I could do that when I got to the buoy to turn.  However, that was at least 600 yards away!  It took my cap nearly falling off to get me to stop.  Grrr...new caps and big heads.  Don't really mix!  I maintained a good pace and a good ratio of strokes to sighting.

I rounded the last corner and knew it was my time.  I was stopping after this last 500 or so yards and I needed to give it my all!  I kicked it in to gear and was picking people off one by one!  With less than 200 yards left, a swimmer got in front of me and I either had to pick up the pace to pass him or keep behind him.  As much as I enjoy drafting off another swimmer, I totally needed him to get out of my way!  Sooner than I knew it, I was back at the beach and out of the water and crossed the timing mats.  I looked behind me and I was happy that there were 10-15 people still in the water (I had started last).  I knew I didn't break any speed records, but I was happy with my performance.

I had no idea what my time was as I did not bring my watch.  I asked one of the guys who worked for the race company and he said there would probably not be immediate splits and there would be no awards for the three of us who did the swim.  Booo....  Oh well, I found an unopened Vega gel on the ground, which I totally took.  Those things can get expensive!  I also got a tri hat.  I told you about the weird trivia to win the door prizes before...well this time his question was "Do you want this hat?".  And I ran up and said "yes, I want that hat".  And it was mine.  Haven't worn it yet.  Still a little more excited about the gel, to be honest. :)

I am learning little by little to be proud of my accomplishments instead of downplaying them in front of others.  Just recently, when someone asked at work how I am losing weight, I said "I'm training for triathlons" instead of "eatting a little better and moving more".  Definitely a difference, and it is the truth!  I will use my words to empower myself and not tear down any of the work - both emotional and physical - that I have put in this past year and a half.  Just trying to be the best version of me!

Annoyed

I'm annoyed at my indecisiveness.

I was supposed to do a triathlon on Saturday.  I was signed up for one that got cancelled later this month.  The company said to email them and they would give you a refund or transfer your entry to a different race.  There are two races left.  This one and one in a month.  Same location, same as my first tri.

I wanted to do this weekend's tri, so I emailed them a couple of weeks ago and did not hear anything back.  I emailed again this week and didn't hear anything either, but was told by one of my teammates that they had resolved her issue (a different issue), but did not respond to her.  I wouldn't worry, but there is no race day registration. 

Also annoyed that I found this on their Facebook page " And people wonder why we are hard to get on the phone on race week hosting 400 athletes, 400 families and 300 volunteers: Race team of 25, 8000 cups, 400 chips cleaned, 300 gallons of water, 2 kegs of beer, 500 pizza's, 4,000 lbs of fence, 75 banners, 3 rolls of crime tape, 25 emails per day asking water temp. 52 bike racks with 208 legs, 3 sets of 400 bib labels, awards for 7 races, 400 finisher medal.".  

I get it.  Triathletes can be jerks about the water temperature or specifics about the course, but dangit, my emails were about wanting to do the tri!  Weird customer service!  (Yes, I realize I could have gone a long way with contacting them other ways.  Like smoke signals and such).

So today I went on the website to see if there was more contact information/an explanation.  When I saw this:  timed 3K open water swim for only $20.

Crap!  Like a friggin' bug to light.  What?!?  Only swimming?  Open water?  Longer distance?  Pick me!  Pick me!

Honestly, I was planning on a 10 mile bike ride yesterday morning, but my body was still like "WTF, you did 39 miles last weekend and I still hate you".  I ended at 6.8 and was tired, had sore hands, had my slowest time on that route, and was covered in spider webs.  Blech.  This gives me no desire to swim, bike AND run the course again.  My mental state has been close to fragile lately and I'm afraid if I do worse on this weekend's tri than my first one, I would lose it (pretty sure TOM is creeping up!).

So fine, what if I pick the 3K swim?  (BTW, the 3K swim is only the first part of the BIG tri.  They also have 61.8K bike and a 15K run...I was planning on the Sprint Tri)  Then I would have another tri entry left.  If I do the one in October, I'm afraid I will need a wetsuit.  #1 I don't own one, #2 I'm afraid to rent one because I'm afraid it won't fit/they won't have my size.  Then again, maybe I will get ballsy and ask for my money back from the first entry.

Alright.  Thank goodness I have a blog where I can type out my situation and see it on paper, er...screen.  I'm going to do the swim and deal with the rest later.  I did fine w/a short swim and trail run on Monday, I felt tired in yoga on Tuesday and that bike ride was crap on Wednesday.  Let's hope rest today and Friday make for a great swim on Saturday.  I only know of about 2 other open water swims in the state that are a mile or longer, so this should  be great!  I mean, since August I've swam 3 times, plus 2 swims in tris.  Not exactly any training involved, but that's a fairly common theme in my life!

PS - Not to leave you all with a pictureless post, here is a pic of me and some open water (Lake Erie) from when I went to Cleveland in May.  I believe this is the beach at the Rocky River Reservation (which is great, especially if you love alliterations!).

Changed.

Last week was a pretty low week in terms of my self-esteem.  All week I just felt like I was 290 pounds again.  I felt in the way.  I felt like all my clothes fit weird and weren't flattering.  I felt "yuck".

Friday morning, I was in that stage between sleep and awake where your mind is wandering and you have no choice but to follow.  For some reason I was thinking about the BMV and how I was 280 the last time I had my license renewed.  When the woman asked for my weight, I said 250, but she did not hear correctly and kept 215 like I had before (ha!).  Then it hit me like a mack truck - 215 pounds...I'm 7 pounds away from being the weight I have had on my drivers license for the past, oh let's say 7 years.  Say what?

And just like that.  My hope renewed, my wits were about me again, I could clearly see the results based on pictures, the scale, and my improved fitness.

On someone's blog maybe a month ago, there was a post about how she's no longer the same person that she was 5 years ago.  I thought "BS! I've lost some weight and I know I'm the same person as I was before.  I don't think I've changed a bit!".

Cue the 3 day holiday weekend.  If this were years before, I would have reveled in the chance to sit on my arse and do absolutely nothing the entire weekend.  For many, many nights and weekends in the past 6 years, I have done just that.  Even as recent as 2012, I laid in my bed watching Netflix and eating.  Only leaving the house to go grocery shopping or to stop by fast food.  I would also wonder how many fast food meals in one weekend was too many. 

This year, I wanted to go to the hometown for the big festival over Labor Day weekend.  TeenSwimSis was dancing on Friday so I was definitely going to see that.  I hadn't really been to the festival when I had a steady job, so I wanted to shop some of the crafts.  I went on the website to see what time they opened on Saturday as I had to get back to the city Saturday afternoon.  While on the website I saw there was a bicycle cruise associated with the festival.  23rd annual it said.  23rd annual?  So this has been going on since I was 5 and I never knew about it?!?

My desk calendar for August was a bike - love it!

They are also coasters :)

There were a few routes/distances to choose from.  I decided on the 31 mile route.   I was nervous because I was going by myself, which is another thing to be proud of.  I'm an introvert and staying at home every weekend wasn't that big of deal before.  Now going out and doing stuff and meeting people - high blood pressure!  I woke up at 6am on the Saturday of a holiday weekend to go ride my bike with strangers, aiming for crazy!  I saw my Ironman uncle going for a ride as I was driving to the starting point, which made me smile.  Love small towns!  I signed up, grabbed a map, a granola bar, and some powerade.  I got my bike off my car and sort of waited around a bit to see if anyone was looking ready to leave/was riding by themselves.  Everyone else was in groups or keeping to themselves, and I saw one guy head out, so I decided to leave too.

The first 5 miles my brain was crazy.  There were some hills on the route and my brain kept saying "Attack!  Attack!", when moseying along would have done just fine.  I kept that guy in my sight that whole time.  I came up to a couple women and was chatting with them for a minute.  They do that bike cruise every year!  I passed them and was feeling pretty confident as a decent size hill rounded a curve.  I saw some markings on the road, but didn't see them soon enough to see what they said.  I just followed the arrows.  I passed through some gravel and was going down this road.  Except, this whole road had about a half inch of pea gravel on the top, which was pretty hard to ride in, and I had to ride pretty slow.  My wheels were turning white from the gravel.  I made it the mile or two down that road and got to the next intersection.  I realized there weren't any markings on that corner and I knew at that point that I had gone down the wrong road!  Genius, Melissa!  I stopped for about 30 seconds and took out my map and found the road I was turning on would intersect the route. :)

Several miles later, I knew the turn off was coming up for the first rest area.   I couldn't read the signs spray painted on the road very well, so I followed the people in front of me.  After another mile or two, I knew I blew it and was going around the lake that the people on the 41 mile route were supposed to take.  I took it on the chin like a champ, at first.  The hills were getting harder.  I passed a golf course - yes "hills" was in the name!  I don't swear very much, but on my bike, it is fair game!  I got to one hill where I would go down quite a bit and then climb back up this impossible looking hill.   A terrible string of curse words came flying out of my mouth when I saw it.  Not even a sentence.  No nouns or verbs.  Just verbal frustration.

Probably that low dip near the left of the mile 15 marker. 

I made it to the top of that hill (w/o stopping and walking - thank God!).  My saddle was hurting me, my legs were tired and my mental game was lagging.  I would have liked to have seen an oasis, but of course this is the second biggest lake in the state and it is 10 miles to get around it.  I weaved the streets through the lakeside houses and condos and finally made it into "town".  I could see cyclists gathering up ahead and I could almost hear the angels sing.  At that point, I had been riding 1hr 50mins/22.75 miles without any real breaks (only the map break when I was lost).  My longest ride before this had been 19.2 miles just 3 days before.  I ate half a pb&j, a banana, a cookie, and drank some nasty red powerade, but I tell you, at that point, it could have been a 5 star meal! 

No cyclists talked to me, but I did find my cousin who was working at the public beach (lifeguarding/swimming/all things water runs in the family!).  I stayed there for 20 minutes, enough time to rest and figure out where I was supposed to go next.  Apparently, the 41 mile route was supposed to stop at this rest stop, go around the lake, and stop again.  Not all at once?  My mistake!

After that, the ride was fairly uneventful except for a big black dog chasing me as I rode past its yard.  I am not an animal person, especially ones that are charging at me.  I didn't know what to do, so I looked at it and yelled "Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!".  Then it ran away. 

Just like this Doctor Who quote "I’m really glad that worked. Those would have been terrible last words".

We had another stop at  local monument of historical significance.  Oddly, I grew up in this town and had never been there, although I had looked for it once.  I spent about 10 minutes there and was back on the road with storm clouds behind me!  On one of the last big hills, I came up on a family of 5 riding the family route (16 miles).  There was a little boy, then up ahead his sister, then the mom, then the older boy then the dad.  And wouldn't you know it, even though I was fairly noisy going up that hill and I probably said "on your left" pretty quietly, every single person besides the little boy thought I was their family member behind them and tried to talk to me as them.  Awkward!  "Uh, nope, sorry!"

I pulled into the parking lot of the school, 3 hours 20 mins, and 39 miles after I had started.  I was soooo happy to be done! I signed back in, grabbed a few more granola bars, and hit the road in my automobile! My plans in the city got pushed back, so I went to my dad's to see if TeenSwimSis was still around.  I called her and she didn't answer so I figured she was out with her friends.  Nope, I got there a few minutes after noon and she was still sleeping!

I really just biked 39 miles?  I need to not see my bike for a while!

I left that afternoon and was back in my city for dinner with a friend.  Sunday I worked at the church all day and Monday I hit the pool for a short swim (200 yd warm up, 500 free for time, 200 yd warm down) and a trail run with my tri group.  I went back home, changed the laundry, put my soup on the stove and met a friend for what I thought was going to be an hour.  3 hours later, I returned home, and kept cooking and cleaning.  Not the lazy weekend I had so hoped for.  But somehow I was extremely glad.  And I could see that change, the good in being busy and being active.  In only sitting down when everything was done.  It was a long weekend, it was packed, but it showed me just how sweet life is right now.  Despite what I may feel sometimes, my actions show me how much progress I have  made and how I am so far from that woman I used to be.

Gross.

Plus I got to clean my bathroom from the post-triathlon mess it had become.  Seriously, you can't even see all of the damage from this picture.  My motto is something along the lines of "Messy space = life being lived to the fullest".

How have you seen yourself change?

Was it the scale or an even that made you realize that you were not the same person anymore?

2nd Triathlon!

 

So I hadn't planned this out like I did my other two (one done, one coming up).  We had just ended a group ride with my triathlon training group and some of the women were talking about how they were all signed up for that weekend's women's only tri.  They said "Why don't you do it too?" At first I thought "Nah, I won't be able to do it", but later I figured...why not?  I had the $, I had the time, I knew I could do it!

I signed up the Monday before at about 3pm!  This race management company doesn't use fancy software for their course maps, so I couldn't see the elevation, but I figured, this is the Midwest, it is flat.  Those rolling hills at the first tri have to be as bad (hilly) as it gets...right?  So that made me nervous and I put the race map into map my run, but the elevation would never pull up on my work computer.  Oh well...but I kept hearing rumors that the hills were pretty rough.

I arrived at the tri and parked in a field :) and started walking my stuff the 1/2 mile to transition.  On the way there, I realized that I forgot to pump up my tires!  Luckily one of the bike shops had an open spot at their tent and the man helping me said he had done both the course for my first triathlon and this course, and he thought that this one was much tougher.  Cue nerves setting in!

My # was 37 this time - they asked us how fast of swimmers we were and I put "very fast", which was the second to fastest category you could choose.  I got into transition and put my bike near the end of the 33-40 rack...first one!  But then I heard someone say to another triathlete "you got here first, put your bike on the end!".  Great advice!  I had a great spot near the exit, so I was excited.  I took a trip to the bathroom (real bathrooms - yay!) and found some of my teammates!  Some were doing a relay, so we chatted and decided to do a "social lap" around the U shaped transition area.

After the pre-race meeting, it was time to head to the water!  Coach Jeff was there and told me he knew I could beat the relay swimmer out of the water, so I should!  I said Okay, I will try!  We got to the water and I got in and did a quick warm up and hopped into line.  I started with the relay's swimmer.  We only had to wait for a minute until it was our turn to run down to the water.

I'm to the left in the green suit.

I ran a little ways into the water and started to swim!  People were going wide and others were sticking closer to the buoys.  It started to get pretty congested and I hit someone in the feet and someone else in the back of the legs as we got closer to the first turn.  After the first turn, I was just trying to go as straight as possible to the second buoy.  Much harder than it seems with that many people around.  I was passing people and I was getting passed as well.  Rounding the second buoy and heading back to shore.  I was tired, my quads were aching, and my tummy was starting to hurt.  This is always the point where the siting is the worst (ha, speaking from my 2 triathlon experience).  If I could describe open water swimming at the beginning of a triathlon to  someone who hasn't done it before, I would say this:  It is like you and lots of other people are super drunk.  You're all trying to get a certain destination, but you only have brief glimpses of clarity before you black out again.  You're all trying really hard to get to that destination, but some are veering off course and it makes it hard to ascertain where the actual destination is, but you do your best.

They also have a pretty good sense of humor.

I saw a lot of people standing up and making their way out of the water as early as they could.  I wasn't about to stand up before my hand hit the sand.  This was not the place/time for a slow-motion baywatch reenactment from me!  I got out of the water and saw the set of stairs...but where were the blue timing mats?  A girl in front of me was walking, but I started jogging and as I ran up the stairs, I realized that the timing mats were just before you got the the transition area, as you can see by the map above, we had to run a ways first.  I totally got passed by at least 3 people on that run to the transition.  I looked at my watch as I crossed the mats.  Swim time:  11:26.4.

Thoughts:

WHAT??? PS first .gif on blog.  HAD to be Doctor Who :)

Dude, that was super slow for 500!  I'll chalk some of it up to 1. being slow-ish 2. The distance being meters, not yards and 3. the run from the beach to transition, which was included in the swim time.  BTW, the relay swimmer that I started with definitely beat me by at 45 seconds! Yikes!


So after I crossed the mat, I walked quickly to my bike and started to get ready for that.  By that time, my relay swimmer teammate had found me and was cheering, which was great, but when you're tired, and don't want to be moving on to the bike, I found it a bit annoying!  Tri Coach Jeff had set me to a big gear to tackle the hill right out of transition.  So thankful he did that!  It was definitely a hill, but nothing to sweat.  As we moved through the park, we got to a couple of more difficult climbs.  A girl in front of me got off her mountain bike and walked it up the rest of the way :(  I didn't care how slow I was moving, I was NOT getting of my bike!  We made it out of the park and I kept wondering if we were at the turn around yet haha!  I had to get that mentality out of the way as I approached the climb of the course.  100 feet over a mile.  People living in non-flat states would probably scoff at that, but daaaaaang it took forever!  I was breathing heavily and kept thinking of my yoga instructor saying things like "breathe into your quads!"  That and only looking about 10 feet in front of me really helped a lot.  At the top of the climb was the turn around.  and let me tell you, that ride down was sweet!  It felt a whole lot faster in the second half.  As we reached the last hill n the park, the volunteer shouted "this is it ladies!  Last hill of the course!  This is where skinny thighs are made!".  I loved it!  I made it back into transition, was annoyed that I had to go all the way around the U shape of transition to exit (got passed by at least another 5 people while jogging here).

Bike time:  49:12.  Thoughts:  Ouch.  So happy that is over!

That hill that was pretty easy at the beginning of the bike was now a super steep hill to run!  Of course there were people lined up all up and down it.  I could barely muster 1:1 walk/run ratios at this point.  Hill + Brick = no bueno.  I did pass someone at the top of the hill, although she was having side cramp :)  Very slowly, I got to 1:2 walk/run and then I just picked out different points to run to before i could look at my watch for a 1:3 ratio.  I got to the water stop at mile 1.  So happy.  I did a couple more intervals and felt much better after I took my gel.  Some of this was uphill as well.  I decided to stop looking at my watch and just run by feel.  I got near the turn around and kept picking points to walk,but I would get there and just pick a different point to run to.  In my second half of 5K, I only walked for less than a minute through the water stop.  That is unheard of for me!  I really wanted to finish faster than my first tri (which was trivial due to the courses being so different - both in elevation and in distance).  My watch said 1:36 and I knew my last mile would probably be 14 minutes, so I needed to run the whole thing if I wanted to finish under 1:54 (Math isn't my strong suit to begin with.  Let alone while exercising!).  I pushed through and those uphills were now some good downhills.  I ran it into the finish and was ecstatic to hear all of my teammates there cheering for me.  That was definitely a great feeling!

Run time:  44:18.  Thoughts:  The end of that run just saved how I felt about this tri!

Overall:  As hard as it turned out to be, I'm glad I did it and definitely glad I didn't see the elevation chart beforehand or I would have psyched myself out.

Time was 1:50:26.6.  I was 328/372.  55th on the swim, though, which was good.  Made me laugh to see the variations of swim times around mine.  I highlighted mine for comparision.

Yeah those ladies kicked my butt on the bike and some on the run too.  :)

All of us girls plus Tri Coach Jeff!

I had a great time and this one combined with my first one were everything I could have hoped for in a triathlon.  I wouldn't say I'm hooked on them just yet, but as I told Ty, I was looking up more tris a mere hour and 30 minutes after I arrived home that day! 

Up next is a tri that is the same course as my first, this time it is coed and in addition to sprint, they have olympic distance and an additional distance that is basically a little more than 3 times a sprint.  Oh and it is also in conjunction the like midwest collegiate triathlon championship or something like that.  Makes me glad I already have 2 under my belt!  Wooo, get ready!