Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Mind Games

I have pretty high self-esteem.  Don’t get me wrong, I have my moments of self-doubt, but I generally think I’m a pretty kick ass person inside and out.  Perhaps it is a coping mechanism for life, who knows… Anyway, when it comes to races, it seems I have a bit of a mental block/lapse that I can actually do it.  If you recall, before my first 5K last year, SwimSis and I did the entire course a couple of times in the weeks before.  For me, I needed to know that I could complete it from start to finish or I would doubt myself during the race.  As for triathlons, it’s a little bit iffy.  I just got my bike in working order 8 days ago.  I’ve been doing spin classes with some regularity.  My mind is still very much doubting if I can do 11-12 miles on an actual bike (w/o falling, preferably) and then run a 5K. 

On Monday during our swim, Tri Coach Jeff said we were doing all out sprints.  I’m not a sprinter, never was.  500 yard freestyle was my main event.  But this is what goes through my mind:  What if I go all out on one or two and then I am just exhausted, can’t go fast at all?  Normally I would got 80% of my max and just stay at a comfortable pace for the duration of the set.  Well this set was pretty short with long periods of rest, so it was a lot easier to go all out.  I was very, very tired nonetheless and did sprint each and every one.  My shoulders were SO sore afterwards!  So I got that fear over with and he launches into our “mock tri” that is Wednesday.  I quiz him about every little detail, where we are riding/running, how far, etc.  I keep saying “okay, sounds good”, but my face has a look of terror that is not intentional.

I'm afraid.  I’m afraid I’ll fail.  I’m afraid I’ll embarrass myself.  With a risk, there is always a chance to fail.  I’m taking that chance.  My current plan is to be present in each event, not worrying about the next, and give 100% in the swim and play the rest by ear.  I don’t have to be first, I might be last, but I will be okay.

At least that’s what I’m telling myself!

What are your strategies to get over your fears?

Is it easy for you to give 100%?

PS Here is a random pic of flowers I got for executive assistant's day...secretary's day...administrative assistant's day...administrative professional day...very good at helping day, lol! What ever it is called!


  1. Umm... Love that you got flowers for secretary's day or whatever you all it... seems my 3 bosses ignore the fact that I am like there personal dumping ground for the bitch work they don't want to do... ha :)

    Anyway, I think its totally natural that you are a little fearful of doing things. why do you think I won't even attempt a 5K run even though logically I know I can run that... FEAR... I live with far too much fear. You are amazing for attempting it, you are amazing for doing it, you are simply amazing girl :) I have complete respect and love for anyone who does this stuff. I have no advice for getting over fear because clearly I am a failure at actually overcoming fear...

    I think just accepting fear as part of the process is probably the first healthy step....

  2. You're going to do great in your triathlon! It does sound like a lot of work though. Whew! Think positively and it will turn out great.

    That's really great that you got flowers for secretary day!! I can't remember the last time I received flowers. Geez, I feel like it was probably my sweet 16 birthday (ok, probably not that long ago, but pretty close).