I have pretty high self-esteem. Don’t get me wrong, I have my moments of self-doubt, but I generally think I’m a pretty kick ass person inside and out. Perhaps it is a coping mechanism for life, who knows… Anyway, when it comes to races, it seems I have a bit of a mental block/lapse that I can actually do it. If you recall, before my first 5K last year, SwimSis and I did the entire course a couple of times in the weeks before. For me, I needed to know that I could complete it from start to finish or I would doubt myself during the race. As for triathlons, it’s a little bit iffy. I just got my bike in working order 8 days ago. I’ve been doing spin classes with some regularity. My mind is still very much doubting if I can do 11-12 miles on an actual bike (w/o falling, preferably) and then run a 5K.
On Monday during our swim, Tri Coach Jeff said we were doing all out sprints. I’m not a sprinter, never was. 500 yard freestyle was my main event. But this is what goes through my mind: What if I go all out on one or two and then I am just exhausted, can’t go fast at all? Normally I would got 80% of my max and just stay at a comfortable pace for the duration of the set. Well this set was pretty short with long periods of rest, so it was a lot easier to go all out. I was very, very tired nonetheless and did sprint each and every one. My shoulders were SO sore afterwards! So I got that fear over with and he launches into our “mock tri” that is Wednesday. I quiz him about every little detail, where we are riding/running, how far, etc. I keep saying “okay, sounds good”, but my face has a look of terror that is not intentional.
I'm afraid. I’m afraid I’ll fail. I’m afraid I’ll embarrass myself. With a risk, there is always a chance to fail. I’m taking that chance. My current plan is to be present in each event, not worrying about the next, and give 100% in the swim and play the rest by ear. I don’t have to be first, I might be last, but I will be okay.
At least that’s what I’m telling myself!
Is it easy for you to give 100%?
PS Here is a random pic of flowers I got for executive assistant's day...secretary's day...administrative assistant's day...administrative professional day...very good at helping day, lol! What ever it is called!