Why Halloween Sucks

2 years ago today I was sleeping peacefully on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and got a call from my sister.  She said my mom had had a stroke (which all we knew at the time), which turned out to be a fatal brain aneurysm. That day and the next few weeks were whirlwinds of pain and disbelief.  I have had an incredibly hard month in regards to missing my mom.  Lots of things, but I heard this song for the first time and I started bawling in my car on the way home from work.

My dad was a country farm boy, my mom lived in town, but they met while working at a grocery store in high school (haha).  Perhaps it would be more personal if it was called "cashiers and bag boys.  No?  Just doesn't have the same ring to it.

SwimSis and her fam are doing family stuff today and tomorrow, but I don't think I am doing any of it.  They are going to church tomorrow.  I don't even know what church because they haven't gone to one.  I don't have to go to church to remember my mom and feel connected with her.  In fact, she would run/walk a ton in her last couple of years.  So that's what I did tonight and I might do tomorrow.  In a moment of silly honesty, my hands are very much like my mother's.  Sometimes I just hold my hand and pretend I'm holding hers :)  I'd do anything to have her back.

And that is why Halloween sucks.  And also the stupid calorie laden candy. 

I ate too little at work today and was starving on the way home.  I almost went to Chipotle, but they always do a Halloween promotion, so it would have been swamped.  I ended up at the Jimmy John's by my house and got a sandwich.  I ate that and then got dressed for a run.  My last run had been good and my longest running stint during that walk/run was 5 mins 30 seconds.  My previous longest was somewhere around 6 min 15 seconds and that was on a hilly trail this summer.

So I just wanted to top all of that and knew I would just run until I felt I couldn't any longer or it got too hard.  After my 5 min warm up of walking (literally!  it is in the 40s here...brrrr!) I started off and found myself breathing hard and having a heart rate higher than I like...so I slowed it down a little :)  Perfect!  I made it to the bridge, but didn't want to stop there because there is a downhill portion right after the bridge.  And then I made my way toward the outdoor aquatic center and there was a creepy vehicle parked behind it so I altered my route to include more people!  I ran in front of the community center (can't let people see me walk!) and then had to figure out how to get back from that side of the building!  And by that time I could see my car again.  I made it to my car and saw I had ran for over 13 minutes!  So I just stretched it a little longer to the next mental checkpoint (a crosswalk) and ran for 16 mins 15 seconds!  What What!  Shut up well that has to be over a mile.  My first 5K I had an average run/walk pace of 15:01, so yes, that was over a mile!  Holy fricken crap that is so exciting!  I'm sure my mom was cheering me on.  Maybe not as loud as she would cheer on Notre Dame football, but cheering loudly nonetheless.

I walked for 2 mins and then ran for 5 mins 10 seconds and walked for probably another 5 back to my car.  And NO Halloween candy today.  It's like I wasn't even tempted.  haha I'm sure I'll be in the mood for chocolate tomorrow!

Happy and...

Excited!  haha I"m a dork

The Runs...

...sorry.  I had to tell you all that I have gone on MULTIPLE RUNS!

Mostly motivated by the factor that I signed up for another 5K on Thanksgiving morning.

I informed my good friend I will not be going to the hometown for Thanksgiving and therefore cannot drink with her the night before.  She was not having it!  We both live in the same Midwest city and she said that we will just stay here and drink the night before "and good luck with that 5K the next day". haha she cracks me up but I know she is going to take me drinking for sure!


I remember the first time I ran on purpose and after not running for a couple of months, the first run kind of scared me!  I went to a nearby park/community center that has a wonderful set of trails.  I prefer trails through woods.  If I'm breathing hard, no one has to see/hear me! haha.  I didn't get past week 1 of C25K when I tried, but I adored the idea of a 5 minute warm up walk.  I actually walked for 6 minutes because there were a lot of people around before the trail split off :) I told myself to just run (actually I do more of a jog!) as long as I could without stopping.  I expected to feel my lungs and legs on fire immediately, but I went down the whole path (only .3 miles) without stopping, which was 4 minutes of jogging.  I walked for 2 minutes and then ran 4 more.  In total, I was out for 31 min, 5 seconds and ran for 16 minutes.  I was ecstatic about that.  Not to mention that it was cool and crisp outside and the fall colors here in the Midwest are AMAZING!  One of those days I just want to bottle up!  I then went to my college's homecoming festivites, where the mascot is a bulldog and they have a bulldog beauty contest and my friend entered her bulldog :)  Sooo funny and cute.  There were over 100 entries!  Around 120 I think.

Monday was Coach and SwimSis' first anniversary.  (Although they had been bf/gf for about 6 years beforehand).  So I had SwimTot.  I may or may have not mentioned that I don't go to Target very often because I have a problem.  I went to get SwimTot a backpack the other week and we walked out with $60 of stuff!  Mostly clothes for her (clearance section!) and a thing or two for me.  Oy.  Well in the girls section, I had gotten her a discounted, and matching running outfit.  It is this bright orange and awesome.  She doesn't run a lot, but she does like running when we go.  So we suited up (haha) and went to the nearby park.  After 5 minutes I asked her if she wanted to run and we ran for 4 and a half minutes without stopping!  She was whining by the end, but I told her we were going to run to the bridge and we made it.  And while running it was like a freaking painting.  The clounds and the sunset were beautiful and overlooking the ponds/marshland with this picturesque bridge.  I almost didn't believe it was real!  We got 21 minutes in and ran for aroudn 8 minutes total.  Pretty good for a 4 year old! Then we went to Little Caesar's because I didn't want to cook!  I got us a pizza and we went home and made a salad together (we just found out SwimTot likes salad)  with water to drink.  Great night and I actually got some pictures with my Kindle Fire!  (more on that later)

Thursday was a warm day for this time of year so EVERYONE was outside!  I had to take Coach and SwimTot to pick up the car from being repaired so we went to a park that SwimTot likes and I ran/walked while they played.  I stuck to my 5 minute warm up walk and ran till I felt like stopping.  It was 5 minutes 30 seconds :)  Again, very happy about that.  I walked 2 minutes, ran 4, walked 2 minutes, ran 3 min(which was closer to 2.5 because I was nearing the park and SwimTot wanted me to watch her climb something), walked 2 minutes, ran 2.5 min, walked 2 min, ran 1.5 min, and walked till I got back to the park.  I was out 32 mins 15 sec and ran for 16 mins.  Again, happy happy happy about that!  We went to a deli and ate outside, very nice evening.

I am aiming to get a good swim this weekend.  I NEED a good swim.  Like of course my body does, but my soul needs it!  BTW I did email the triathlon coach that gave me his card, but he has yet to email me back.  Maybe he thinks I'm crazy for asking such specific questions about his swim workouts.  Oh well :)



And on the fitness front, I signed up for a Pilates class!  I can't get myself to stay for the 8:30-9:30pm that my favorite instructor teaches (that makes me feel old).  So I signed up for a Saturday 8am class! haha I don't know how I feel about not getting any days to sleep in, but I will let you all know how that goes.



Sorry for not updating for over a week, I blame it on this:

I really like it!  It was my first paycheck purchase.  I've only had minor problems with it.  The camera is only on the front so you have to be creative/skilled when trying to take pictures.



I also attempted to give blood this week.  I hadn't successfully given blood before (only got halfway filled up).  I was VERY nervous, but happy to do it as I would want to be given blood if I needed it!  Alas, my blood test showed I have low iron (you have to have 12.5, I had 11.1 and 10.5).  I would much rather eat more iron rich food than take iron pills.  That night I went out and got a lot of spinach!  I've been eating a good amount of spinach each day and will hopefully get my iron levels up soon.


Anyone have any favorite foods to get a lot of iron?

Any good weekend plans?

Opportunity and Bad choices

I ate out.  ALL WEEKEND.

I'm sure there worse things to talk about for opportunity and bad choices (murder, adultery, theft), but this is my reality.

 Friday night I had the SwimTot because Coach was coaching and SwimSis was babysitting.  I tried to go somewhere where she could get something she would like, but would stretch her outside of her chicken tenders and french fries bubble.  We ended up at somewhere fast and local...fast food italian.

She ordered a fettuccine alfredo. I had a side salad, spaghetti with meat sauce, and an peach italian ice.  Oh, and their breadsticks.  Free, delicious, have as many as you want breadsticks.  I am not that crazy about pasta so I only ate 1/4 of that, but as I have mentioned before, garlic bread/breadsticks/garlic flavored carb = favorite!  I probably had 4 or 5!  SwimTot was a fan.  She ate some of her pasta, but she ate almost half of my salad!  I told her I didn't know she liked salad.  Her response was "Well, I tried it and then I liked it".  Ohhhh...that's how that works??? :)  I did turn down additional breadsticks when they offered more.

Saturday I was babysitting at one of the more posh hotels downtown while the parents went to a conference.  I was suuuuper early on the way there so I stopped at McD's and actually got a meal.  Ugh.  The little boy that I watched has cerebral palsy.  I was watching him for 15 hours, but he gets fed through his G tube every 3 hours from 8-8 so it actually went really fast because prep, feeding and cleanup takes over an hour!  I think they were some of the organizers of the conference so their room etc was comped.  They had me valet my car (haha valeted my 99!) and told me that I could order whatever room service I wanted.  For lunch I ordered a Cobb salad.  It was spectacular!  Big chunks of everything...one of my favorites!  And the tray was gorgeous with a little bread basket and a vase with a gerber daisy.  

I did get some walking in, about an hour and a half total during our times between feedings.   We went to the executive lounge thing, for people staying on certain floors.  Free food, internet, etc.  I had a yogurt and cookie and coffee when I first went in.  And I went for happy hour (I stayed alcohol free!) and had some little appetizers.

I didn't end up getting dinner from room service till 10!  I ordered a chicken BLT and fries.  It was okay.  The tray wasn't spectacular, there were too many fries.  I didn't eat them all, but there were too many!  I totally could have ordered off of the "Fit Menu", but I just didn't. 

Sunday I was up bright and early at the church to watch more kiddos.  I had some Starbucks coffee that they serve every week.  Then I went straight into my weekday job to work on some stuff.  I got Taco Bell on the way there.  I knew if I would go home, I wouldn't go into work and get some stuff done!  I went home and had my leftover spaghetti from Friday.

I was grabbing snacks and candy all last week and weekend and was up 0.8lbs on Monday.  Something had to change!  I was getting accustomed to having candy after a meal.  Just a small snack size or whatever it is called.  It was ridiculous.  I always want to have big ideas like "no candy for a month" but let's be honest, if I put myself up to that challenge, I would be eating candy within the hour.  So my goal was no candy while at work.  I craved that candy like woah, but the urge subsided after a while!  Despite buy 3 chocolate bars at the store last night, yesterday was candy free! (1 was on clearance and then my fave dark choc bars were BOGO)

I haven't had any today and I feel good about that!  Let's see how long I can keep it up...I'm just hoping for the night right now!  My day turned oddly vegetarian when the Coach took my chicken to work this morning.  He didn't know, but dang I was not happy!  Instead I had a large apple, almonds, a larabar, and grapes.  It was good.  I felt like I was eating frequently but I was not as hungry as I thought I would be.

I hoping I can now cut out those opportunities for bad things here and there so those choices won't be so hard to make!

How do you eliminate those possibilities for bad choices?

Do you find it easier to make small goals (like "just get through today!") or can you focus on the bigger picture?

In Which I Feel Like A Badass

So in light of me trying to get to this first mini goal (minus 30lbs...currently 2ish lbs away).  I thought I should swim in the mornings at least twice a week because when I swam a couple mornings a week in August, I dropped 2lbs a week.  So that was my goal on Sunday night.

Let's flashforward and we're already on Wednesday night and I haven't swam yet!
Ughhhh do or die (or do or don't lose).
So Thursday morning I was at the pool bright and early (seriously, idk how I got in the water before 6am).
I had a great 2400yd swim, you can find the workout here.

The only really daunting this was 4 x 200yd pull.  I suppose they were supposed to be the same stroke, but that is boring!  I did 2 backstroke, 2 freestyle.  And my arms felt heavy later while typing at work. haha

Then I thought well I'll try to go this morning.  So I half packed my stuff and set my alarm, but I swear if I was still sleepy, I would not go!  But my REM cycle ended just before 5 and I was tossing and turning a bit and knew I would get up and go.

When I go swim in the mornings, there is a triathlete group that swims too, but they start like right when the pool opens (5:15am).  I always feel awesome because I have good technique and therefore that makes me faster than others who struggle through the water.  Not gonna lie.

Well I do my warm up (ugh, I hate this pool actually the air temp was probably in the 80s somewhere and had to be a few degrees cooler than the pool.  Which it was probably at 80 something degrees which is FAR too hot, in my opinion.  I like a cold pool!) and then I have 100yd freestyle time trial.  I make it at 1min 31sec (ugh, in the height of my swimming glory I used to swim 1:06.  That's actually a very slow competitive sprint!).  And then I had 2 more at 5 seconds faster each. 

When I stopped at the wall on my last one, there was a guy standing over my lane.  He said he would love it if I joined them in the mornings and gave me his card.  I was very calm and nice about it (and probably still panting from my almost sprints) but inside I was all "OMG THEY WANT ME TO BE IN THEIR CLUB BECAUSE I'M SO AWESOME". 

Sorry to anyone who doesn't know that I hold a very high self-esteem in most regards.  I would never talk like this to anyone else, but I'm just giving you an inside scoop into my mind :)

And so he put his card in my plastic sandwich bag that I put my workouts in..ha!  And when I got to work you had better believe that I Facebook stalked him.  Oh...the triathlete group head coach, oh...won a local triathlon last week, oh...ran a 17:48 5K...no big deal.  haha so that whole experience made me feel like such a badass!  I am still on the fence and would have some questions for him, but of course I didn't email him today, I mean a girl can't call (email) right away...

And then another woman in the locker room tells me I'm such a good swimmer and I'm so fast.  And then the desk attendant tells me that I had a good workout and gave me the thumbs up on my way out (the front desk has a window to the pool).  Then I felt a little more badass, but just a little because one compliment is cool but for me 3 is embarrassing. 

In the end I'm just amazed that I, as a 252 pound, obese woman, got asked to join a sports group. haha makes me laugh, but a happy laugh.

Tonight I'm going to pick SwimTot up from preschool at that same Y, head to the library, probably to dinner, then to get some froyo!  I normally wouldn't have froyo every weekend because we don't live very close to a froyo place, but I visited a new one and they have a coconut flavor that blew me away.  Mmmmm....coconut!  I think I have a thing for coconut, my fave cupcake at one of those fancy cupcake places is coconut too. SwimTot, as always, will have plain chocolate with no toppings.  :)

No long swim for me this weekend as I am babysitting from 9:30am-midnight tomorrow!  And then at the church from 8:15am-1:30pm. on Sunday.  Sunday afternoon will be sit on my butt and probably make some dinners for the week.  This week I picked up some Cambpell's Skillet Sauce in the Thai Green Curry flavor.  That blew me away too!  I'm definitely going to pick up some more!  (40 cals per serving in the sauce...not too shabby!)

And I got very little work done yesterday because I could not stop looking at www.dogshaming.com.  Look if you dare.  I could spend a whole day reading that and laughing hysterically. 

Have a great weekend everyone!  Any plans for fitness and fun?

Success and challenges

There are a lot of things that I've improved on this year.  Dropping those 25 pounds has been great, but some days it just doesn't feel like I've dropped any.  You know, those days where the girls around you are ALWAYS skinnier than you?  (Sidenote:  This church I've been working at...so freaking trendy.  And all the women my age are so fit looking with full hair and makeup every Sunday.  I roll my eyes so much!  I'm all hey I'm in my church tshirt telling kids preschoolers not to bite someone else's stuffed animal or to keep their hands to themselves aka no spanking each other! ha.) I've had a few of those "feeling sorry for myself" moments over the past couple of months, but I always need to reflect on how far I've come.

One of my major goals was to be able to fit in a competition suit (regular 1 piece) that comes in a standard size.  The largest "normal" size is 40 that you will typically find in a store.  Here is the sizing chart for competition suits.  My first swim of the year (actually, it was my first swim in YEARS) was in a recreational swim suit that made me sooo slow because of how much water got caught in the bust area while I was swimming.  I'm currently in a 44 w/long torso. aka extra room for my stomach!

My first swim of the year was 200 yards at the most.  I swam this workout yesterday, which was actually 3050 yards (not 3300 like it says).  I had to adjust the times on the 50s because I am just not that fast!  I did work SUPER HARD on the 50s.  5 x 50 on 50 seconds was rough.  I made the first one with a second to spare, probably was behind a bit on the middle three, then cranked out the last one and made it a couple seconds under :50.  I was working so hard it reminded me of what competing/racing was like...exhausting!  I finished those 3050 yards in 1 hr 18 mins.  Felt like a champ!

Clothes that were super tight or did not fit me at all, now fit or may even be too big.  I have this one skirt that I wore to my official first day of work last Monday that I could not wear a year ago.  And I remember wearing it in March and it was sooo tight as the day wore on that I unbuttoned it as I got in the car.  Now, if I suck my stomach in, it is in danger of falling off!

Last week, my boobs had a message for me.  They said "Em, we are not happy with our current housing situation".  Uh....I need a smaller bra?  When in my life have I ever needed a SMALLER bra?  I looked in my new bra stash and found a hanger that said 44DDD (beginning size), but it was actually 44DD.  So much better!!!!  And it may or may not be close to a neon purple! haha

I was given a tshirt by the church I work at on Sunday mornings and they asked what size.  I said 2X or XL, hoping that they had 2X.  She handed me a shirt last week...XL.  I didn't even bother to try it on all week.  Why get depressed about it being too small?  Well this morning I tried it on and it fit!  And with the jeans I wore I felt like a normal person.  haha know what I mean?

I'm hoping to get into running a little bit more.  I think I will sign myself and my fam up for the YMCA's Thanksgiving morning 5K.  As soon as I heard we were having Thanksgiving in a certain city, I looked up races right away!  Looks like we can register 4 people (inc tshirts!) for $75.  The closest race was $20/person, or $30/person if you wanted a tshirt.  Ugh.  And the farthest one in the city would have been much cheaper 6 people for $100 w/tshirts.  But I guess we went for the middle!  We'll see if I beat my first 5K time!  I thought it was cool last year when I saw other people were doing Thanksgiving 5Ks, but I didn't really think I would be doing on.

I am ready for these last 5 lbs, of my first 30 to come off!  I have new sheets and comforter waiting for me as a reward when I do!  Hopefully that will be this week!  (I'm floating around 2lbs till mini goal, but I will see 249.9 if I am lucky..er...dedicated!

SwimSis, TeenSwimSis, me, my bodybuilder aunt :)

haha you get the picture!

with some calves in the background!

And here's a shot or two from last week's "photoshoot" with SwimSis, TeenSwimSis (it was her 14th bday), SwimTot and my aunt! 

The Pressure Is On!

I GOT THE JOB!!!

I found out late last week that I got the job and my first day of work was today!  Not the normal first day by any means because I have been a temp there since the very first work day of the year :) 

I about peed myself when my boss told me how much per hour.  I'm making $200 more per week.  Cray Zeee.  I'm sure I'll have plenty of places to allocate that!  However, Sallie Mae will probably make sure my spending doesn't get too out of control.

I knew last week my boss would tell me one way or another, so I came in early every day.  I was exhausted by the time I got home.  I skipped Pilates tonight for the first time since I started the first Monday in June! 

I feel okay about that because I didn't get a ton of sleep last night (ironing clothes, cleaning, crying at that Long Island Medium show, etc).  And it's 8:45 and as soon as I finish writing this I will be looking at the back of my eyelids!

So, I got the job and I lost about 1.8 pounds last week.  Not how I would have liked to lose it, but it is gone.  I just want to be on top of my fitness game!  Soon...

For now, the pressure is on at work!  I will move offices this week because my boss is moving (half my job is executive assistant).  Not psyched about the new office (just down the hall) but I'm sure it will have its perks.  I mean, what's not to like about moving into the EXECUTIVE SUITE!  haha just don't screw this up Em!