Why Halloween Sucks

2 years ago today I was sleeping peacefully on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and got a call from my sister.  She said my mom had had a stroke (which all we knew at the time), which turned out to be a fatal brain aneurysm. That day and the next few weeks were whirlwinds of pain and disbelief.  I have had an incredibly hard month in regards to missing my mom.  Lots of things, but I heard this song for the first time and I started bawling in my car on the way home from work.

My dad was a country farm boy, my mom lived in town, but they met while working at a grocery store in high school (haha).  Perhaps it would be more personal if it was called "cashiers and bag boys.  No?  Just doesn't have the same ring to it.

SwimSis and her fam are doing family stuff today and tomorrow, but I don't think I am doing any of it.  They are going to church tomorrow.  I don't even know what church because they haven't gone to one.  I don't have to go to church to remember my mom and feel connected with her.  In fact, she would run/walk a ton in her last couple of years.  So that's what I did tonight and I might do tomorrow.  In a moment of silly honesty, my hands are very much like my mother's.  Sometimes I just hold my hand and pretend I'm holding hers :)  I'd do anything to have her back.

And that is why Halloween sucks.  And also the stupid calorie laden candy. 

I ate too little at work today and was starving on the way home.  I almost went to Chipotle, but they always do a Halloween promotion, so it would have been swamped.  I ended up at the Jimmy John's by my house and got a sandwich.  I ate that and then got dressed for a run.  My last run had been good and my longest running stint during that walk/run was 5 mins 30 seconds.  My previous longest was somewhere around 6 min 15 seconds and that was on a hilly trail this summer.

So I just wanted to top all of that and knew I would just run until I felt I couldn't any longer or it got too hard.  After my 5 min warm up of walking (literally!  it is in the 40s here...brrrr!) I started off and found myself breathing hard and having a heart rate higher than I like...so I slowed it down a little :)  Perfect!  I made it to the bridge, but didn't want to stop there because there is a downhill portion right after the bridge.  And then I made my way toward the outdoor aquatic center and there was a creepy vehicle parked behind it so I altered my route to include more people!  I ran in front of the community center (can't let people see me walk!) and then had to figure out how to get back from that side of the building!  And by that time I could see my car again.  I made it to my car and saw I had ran for over 13 minutes!  So I just stretched it a little longer to the next mental checkpoint (a crosswalk) and ran for 16 mins 15 seconds!  What What!  Shut up well that has to be over a mile.  My first 5K I had an average run/walk pace of 15:01, so yes, that was over a mile!  Holy fricken crap that is so exciting!  I'm sure my mom was cheering me on.  Maybe not as loud as she would cheer on Notre Dame football, but cheering loudly nonetheless.

I walked for 2 mins and then ran for 5 mins 10 seconds and walked for probably another 5 back to my car.  And NO Halloween candy today.  It's like I wasn't even tempted.  haha I'm sure I'll be in the mood for chocolate tomorrow!

Happy and...

Excited!  haha I"m a dork